Healthy Eating: My Biggest Lie

My biggest lie in life is that I’m a healthy eater.

I was so good at lying, I believed myself.

Healthy Eating: My Biggest Lie: Image by NineMSN Food at

Image by NineMSN Food at

I remember being at an appointment with the dietician a few years ago.  She asked me what I was typically eating in a day.  I described my foods to her; vegetables, salads, fruits, lean meats, lots of water.  I didn’t drink soda, jus or much alcohol.  After listing out my menu, she was confused. “You’re eating isn’t the problem, everything is according to the Canadian Food Guide, maybe you should check with your doctor and have some tests done to see if anything medical isn’t hindering your weight loss”.  Discouraged and stumped, I left her office. I’ve embraced healthy eating.  What was I doing wrong?!?!

I was 5’6″ and 178lbs. The heaviest I’ve ever been, and dangerously close to heading into the plus sized section of clothing stores.  I worked out almost every day. I also cried almost every night.

Why the extra weight? Because I was unhappy, uneducated (when it came to foods) and because I lied. I lied to the dietician, to my friends and scariest of all to myself.  Sure, I was eating ‘healthy’ meals, but what else was I eating? That’s the real question, and the answer is scary. I was eating sugary cereals, 4 pieces of toast with butter and honey as snacks, cookies at work, too much ice-cream every Friday night when I watched my shows.  My portions were huge.  Processed foods were everywhere. Restaurants were a regular thing.  There were the 100 calories snack packs that I never just had one of. Dressings and sauces weren’t in my list to the dietician.

Why did I lie? Because as much as I talked about it, I wasn’t ready for change. I lied so much about my ‘healthy eating’ that I believed that I was eating healthy! I seriously did! Eating dessert everyday is ok right? Ice-cream at night is normal right? Sauces and dressings can’t be that much of a factor right? Restaurants are mostly healthy right?  A treat on the way from from work won’t hurt right?  WRONG. It’s precisely why I was struggling so much, I was sabotaging myself!

I would exercise like mad in the mornings, in fact I was in my best cardio health during that time. Then I’d ‘reward’ myself with cookies, fancy sandwich, jus, etc during the day. I didn’t see that my ‘reward’ was actually counter productive.  In fact, I was actually doing more damage with foods than good with exercise.

Food is not a reward. Ok, now, read that again…food IS NOT A REWARD. It’s fuel.

Sure, great tasty healthy food should be savored, but food is not a reward for exercising, eating well all week, doing well at work, etc.

My relationship with food was abusive at best and it needed to stop.

So we had a little talking, food and I, and we decided that it was time for change.

It was a slow change, but progress no matter how slow, is still progress.

  1. First was a year at Weight Watchers. I needed a little weight loss to get motivated.
  2. Then as mentioned in yesterday’s post, was a year of emotional growth and spiritual healing (that’s were the real issues were).
  3. Eventually, I began to read everything I could get my mitts on about foods, nutrition and our bodies. Everything article I read, every bit of information logged into my brain, made me more aware and stronger in my food choices than I’ve ever been.
  4. I began reading about clean eating and removed all processed foods and refined sugars from my house. I joined online communities that supported healthy eating. I started blogging about my journey and becoming accountable. I started using tools like My Fitness Pal to keep track of my daily nutritional intake.
  5. After a while I realized that my healthy eating habits were ready for another step.  When I would go to buy a snack, eat cookies, or steal a chocolate for it’s hiding place – I started asking myself; “Am I hungry?” surprisingly most times the answer was no.  I wasn’t hungry. I was thirsty or acting on habit/craving. Awareness is key.

Slowly, my circle of friends became healthier eaters as well. Some discovered gluten intolerance’s which changed the way we chose restaurants and cooked for pot lucks.  It forced us to discover healthier (and tastier) options.

I fell in love with the Eat-Clean Diet, which really isn’t a diet but a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle when it come to nutrition. I opened my mind, and taste buds, to new foods and recipes.

“Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.”

Years later, I am currently very happily sitting 156lbs, a weight that I’m maintaining effortlessly. I no longer believe that being in the 160’s in just the way my body is, it’s not.  Honestly, if we eat right and exercise, our weight will take care of it’s self.  But first, you have to stop lying. You have to start loving (yourself). You have to become informed and educated. You have to want change, not just talk about it.

I am now at the beginning of my journey with foods and fitness.  I promised myself that I’d master my own health by the end of this year.  Not that I’d reach all my goals, but that I’d have all the right tools in place to reach them. I love my body, and I’m proving it my taking care of it properly.

I no longer cry at night, in fact, most nights I fall asleep smiling. Anyone else joining me on this journey of a healthier self?


  1. Elia Saikaly says:

    The greatest service one can do for their health and wellness is learn about the science of acidity and alkalinity in terms of food. This WILL change everything. Congratulations on being so honest. That’s brave and commendable. A wiseman once said to me ‘the simple things in life are the hardest things to so’. We will do insane crash diets but won’t make time to walk 30 mins a day. We will undertake complex diets and regimes, but won’t make time to eat clean, healthy organic food and educate ourselves on what’s actually ‘truly good for us’. And don’t get me started on the food guide… Great write-up Vicky.

    • Thanks Elia, your support means a great deal as you’ve managed to gain a greater sense of self and life than most! I’m going to research acidity and alkalinity, now that my curiosity is peaked. 🙂 Thanks for that tip! In fact, I’m starting university in January to pursue a degree in dietetics, I’ve learned that the best pursuit is the one with passion.

  2. Your honesty is refreshing! So happy you found health.


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